I have been sitting here long enough. I have seen many a sunrise and many a sunset , I have thought hard and long. Every moment in life flashed before me and relived every moment I have lived. Carefully caressing every memory of mine. Still then I look up at the sky, I still cant find my answer. Where is the flair and where is the passion. Where is every of those moments in life I have witnessed the sparkle, where are the times I rejoiced in love. The moments of intimacy and where is the endless hours I stared into her golden eyes?
I have never married, at least not yet! But I have been committed and I have dreamt many a life for myself. Many a times I have bit to the every last straws to keep those moments from vanishing for ever. Every girl I lost I was convinced she was not mine to be with , but still I never wanted to be the one to give up on it , may be that is not fair , may be I should have told the truth. The truth I was too afraid , too afraid to lose the moments they have given, too afraid in finding a new person for me. What if I find no one else , What if the next is even worse. I have not been fair and then I have not been in love as well. They might just have been relationships of convenience.
There were times of magic in life that one remembers life by, and by the grace of god I have many to live with. There were times when every thing under the sun was made of gold and all I could see where flowers and butterflies and gardens and beauty. There were times I thought I knew what love was and there were time I thought I owned love. But for every one of those times love has had surprises form me. May be god did want to empty my hand for the ultimate prize. May be I already have her.
The magic in the first touch and the softness of the first kiss that many talk of, I wonder sometimes whether I have found or not. Sometimes its the silence or sometimes its the rain that brings in the love , May be love is not something to always have like the heart beat but may be its something that come and goes like the spring. I have heard poets talk of love and I have read writer write of love, But those are things that are still left for me to experience.
There again I stand by the sea shore, where the waves break open there heart and sweeps away ones sorrow. I can no more run and I can no more hide , I need to know and I know I am entitled for the answer. In whose quest I have been I think already have , but I need to know for sure, What I have now is unlike anything I have ever had , It’s surely exceptional . But , is it love , I need to be sure. I need to know what is love.