Speak of the Devil and ..

How strange that I write this today, when all I see is darkness and I am tired, so tired of searching for the light and hope. I am doomed, I fear my own words and I fear the death of myself by my own ideas. Its not but strange that a few days ago I was blossoming in the comfort of the illusion of security and permanence that I have woven. But now in seconds they have disappeared and I am staring at nothing but darkness all around, I can hear memories sneak up me from directions unknown, I am afraid, really afraid.
A couple of day ago, I got a call, a call that has turned my world into a mess. From the precipice of luxury I plunged into a feeble being plagued by misery and fear, I can’t neither think straight nor respond to a door bell without being paranoid. It has come back, It has come back to avenge me, the lies, the secrets. My past has come back, a past that I have worked so hard day and night to forget, The nightmares that I have consciously abolished with sleepless nights and pills that I shall not speak of again in my life.
It is not strange, I should have expected it, I should have known better. I should have known that it will come back and haunt me again and again no matter how hard I run. The initial impulse is always to run, But now I know no mountain is high enough, no oceans wide enough to keep me from myself. I am my worst enemy, a nemesis that will not heed until truly defeated. I have to take action, I have to face him, I cannot run anymore, If I do I will risk more than myself, I will risk losing my family, my friends, my life and may be those some things that I have valued more than life, I will lose myself to it. I cannot run anymore I have to face him, face to face, I should look him in the eye and end this once and for all, otherwise I will lose it all, I will lose everything.

I shall not speak about it again, But I should talk now, if have to never speak of it again, else the devil will come back to haunt me again, it won’t heed till I pay for my insolence. I should face my fate and write my history myself, even if it means that it all ends with a full stop or if there is something left to it, then with that, But I should do it and I should do it now.

6 thoughts on “Speak of the Devil and ..

  1. Rupertt outpours his feelings and emotiions as he meets up his past as every one must do one day. Past haunts, Rupertt by speaking to the devil makes a catharsis. wondrous post; my wishes to you

    Muthu Ashraff

    Like

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