When Gods Fall and Angels Die : The Diary of a Victim

I have thought long and hard, whether to write about this or not, especially when what I have to say has much to do with another person and his life. I wouldn’t want to damage a life that is not mine. Had it been my life I could have risked it, but not with another man’s life. But then what I had to tell had its own significance and due importance in my life that I just had to write about it. Otherwise it would just be an injustice to myself and my blog which has always sincerely housed by dark secrets and flamboyant triumphs alike. And then I decided I had to write and write such that no one is hurt but so is my heart poured out and emptied.
When it happened to you, I was happy that it was not my life, but now when it had happened to me I see no path that will cover my speedy escape, no path fast enough to run away from myself. It has happened to me, but how often does it happen to one? How often does it happen that some one whom you have so far placed in a castle of gold and ivory in your mind has just fallen short? How often does some one you so dearly love, you so idolized just does something really stupid? How often do they with that one action, annihilate a lifetime of memories? It’s cruel, it’s demeaning that such would happen, but isn’t life cruel and unforgiving to begin with.
It has now happened to me, it’s not my first time but so far they were people who had not touched my life in flesh and blood, so far they have been the ones that had the limelight shine on them, the ones that owned the celluloid and the ones that roamed the green fields. Its one thing that such surreal people blinded by fame be idiots by own making, but it’s an entirely different matter that someone so real, so close, so kith and kin do what that can but be termed ‘stupid’. The facts of the dark be lit by no more light because there lies no pleasure in opening wounds that has decided to heal just on the surface even after so long. But its never the moments of thoughtlessness that causes the real harm, it’s the grueling hours that you are left with yourself, its unforgiving and heartless in torture, the grueling in hell!
But after long hours and after many a sunrises and sunsets when I finally got back what bit was left of my broken mind in order, though the damage was done the one person I could not bear to forgive was myself, not after all that I could have done and I did not, not when I have turned it around many times in the many replays of life I lived. But then I asked myself, how and why did this happen? What is it that one thing that changed in life so fast? May be I was too sure, too soon. But was I fair, fair in placing all those responsibilities on a person’s shoulder without his consent, fair in believing that someone will keep the promises that he had not given. The truth is I do not know, there a part of paining head that begs to kill him and another part that despises no one but myself. the truth is I don’t know.
I had to write about it, its life and it never takes its turn for your liking. It plays hard and fast, it always has and it always will. Always so full of lies, lies there, lies here, lies everywhere. Its such a shame that we live a life full of lies, may be just may be life is just another lie, a lie that we all believe to be true, a lie we believe on convenience alone. Isn’t it shameful or I am just still in a haze. What ever be the state that is mine, the ugly fact is that when the gods do fall and when angels die it’s never a pretty sight to behold. It’s a rape, a rape of the human mind and the mirage of trust.

14 thoughts on “When Gods Fall and Angels Die : The Diary of a Victim

  1. know what?!… no one is a “victim” unless they are convinced so. A victim's mindset is far different from a survivor's. Life is too short to be spent worrying… live on.

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  2. Moving On is the keyword they say but one who goes thru it only know how difficult it is but I wud like to share something written by Paulo Coelho
    “I will cry, I will weep. Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again. I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive—I’ll find love again”

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  3. Pain comes from expectations. Broken trust is a lesson to invest it with prudence, not to keep it locked away. Everything changes, all things pass. Your post has captured your feelings so poignantly that it would seem that your pain has transformed itself into a beautiful creative force! The best lies ahead of you, my friend.

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  4. @VST!

    What you speak is so true, One has to move on , no one is a victim unless he admits he is, its up to him to rise or be buried in the debris. Its hard to rise but its inevitable if one wishes to survive. Thanks you VST for your honest opinions

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  5. @Sudhorup Dasgupta

    Thank you my friend, this much to me,, but you are too kind with your words and feel so humbled at these words of yours, though i deserve just half of what you bestowed upon me thanks , thanks a lot.

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  6. You have been hurt badly…dont u think it is the right time to modify your expectations in future?..see v r all human…we have many weaknesses which may not b apparent to many…but they surface sometimes….who knows what the person who pained u is going through? nobody is great enough to b placed on a pedestal…so take things with a pinch of salt…if this sounds like a sermon forgive me .

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  7. Hwy! thanks there indu,

    It means a lot to have friends like you who can support you and give you sermons when that is what they need the most. Thanks for the support, you have made you presence felt in my heart!

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  8. “….placing all those responsibilities on a person’s shoulder without his consent, fair in believing that someone will keep the promises that he had not given”
    This is exactly what I did, and I realised it when everything was over..I could connect with your post..It is so intense..I think you must've had a hard time writing it!

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  9. @ Ana

    Not that much now ana, now that its all out there and insides mostly empty. It feels better when you can tell it to someone, but much better when their lies an hoard of friends listening to you out there, comforting you without prejudice and preconceptions.

    It feels much better ana, thanks

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  10. Painful situations come along our way and dishonest people knock our door in the journey of life. They might shatter our life with their lies and break your heart which takes time to heal, but there is always a hope for better tomorrow. As beautiful the world looks, it has so much filth in it; the only thing we need to consider is the beauty and ignore the filth that often puts us in worry. Worry just makes us to forget how beautiful we are and what great abilities we possess to make our life better.

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