My Dysfunctional Family

I have no parents, I have a mother, and I have a father but no parents. In the conflicts of greater interests and in the great battles of domestic blitzkrieg I lost my parents. They must have thought I was dumb and mind numb, they must have thought I have no ears nor my eyes in-adept in the prevalent darkness, they must have thought I have not seen the fall of my family.  They must have thought I was deep asleep, wandering in dreams that every child cherish while they wage their futile battles to quench the devil’s thirst.
 

The times are tranquil now, the ominous silence persists, no more are there swearing and curses, no more the threatening sounds of apocalypse. The wounds have healed and the lines draw and as in all war we all lost. The battle has left scares deep in my heart, which no amount of time shall ever heal. What surprises me that they never felt to leave it, they left their love, they theft all the meanings that the institution of marriage held but still they have failed to leave each other and search happiness elsewhere. As much as I would love to have my family, I am not selfish, as much as the tales of evil steps trouble me; the hope for a happier life for my parents’ persists. They are perfect for each other, they know it or not, but in their frivolous pursuits of domination they doomed all hopes of happiness that the relation would ever bear. It’s sad that they would deem to that level of disgust that they could be no more stand the others presence within the same set of walls.
But, I am not sad, I am not devastated. When the days were dark and when the paths echoed with sinister forebodings. I clutched to my heart and believed in a brighter days. I took refuge among stacks of books and in the thought that ‘when winter is here can spring be far behind”. I collected my fallen self, patched what was left, made a pact with myself. I pledge myself that this is not what I shall become, I made it clear to myself that I should learn, I decided to be not like my parents when a world full of children promised to follow their parents way. I knew I would be alone and silence was my best bet, it must have hurt them bad had I took any other path. I assured myself to suffer in silence and rejuvenate when it’s all over. I went into the fade where all my sabbaticals had but two guests, me and myself.
This was an escape a less violent one, one of pure suffering and at the end the promises came true. There was spring, and there were flowers and there were butterflies. The was the fairies and there were the rainbows. But, just one sadness that I think will persist in this world of much bliss. The melancholic sense of the absence of a hand to hold on to. The poignant fact that I have no shoulder to lean on to. Out in this new world, I was to fend on my own, build it all up from scratch. But I was happy, I was peaceful.
I know that many will pity for the misfortunes I had, But I tell you don’t be. Be happy that I am what I chose to be. At the end of this very difficult choice lied one rather rare gift. The gift was the ability to let go and I think now I can after all. This blog is the final act in the rather elaborate ritual of severance.

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47 thoughts on “My Dysfunctional Family

  1. i wasnn't expecting this one. well i am happy that u hav seen the silver lining,under adversities u learn ur lessons,life carves out the best in you or i'd call it the making of a better man
    frm a little experienced person,i hav learned my lessons too 😉

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  2. Learning from other's mistake and promising yourself of not following takes a lot of courage .. It's only human to make mistakes sometimes over and over again, might not be easy to forget but I am sure you will be able to forgive ..

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  3. @Sangeetha

    I must admit its never easy, its very easy to relapse and to stay strong, that requires some nerve! I too wish I could just forgive and forget but it always keep coming back to haunt me!

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  4. Brilliantly written Rupertt…I could feel the pain…is there any way to console!!! You have gone thru a whole of pain…sorry to hear that. But you didn't lose hope, positivity and you chose to be unlike them is the greatest lesson and perhaps the bravest thing to do. Kudos to you!!! Kudos to your undying spirit!!!

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  5. 'be happy that i am what i chose to be' this line leaves us with nothing to comment about your story. You have indeed mastered the art of letting things go. Very few does that Rupi.

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  6. I am a parent reading your post and am remembering that little ears listen..keeping a relationship strong is difficult and it is usually a child that helps pull it together.'I have no parents' breaks my heart. This is not how things should be. Do forgive.

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  7. Parents! Parents! you know the most difficult job in the world is to be a good parent.. how to define it? there are no parameters after all. No parent is same with their own two children. Life is't fair according to us but are we fair towards our 'dysfuctional' family?

    All will be well. Best of luck

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  8. wow.. I don't feel pity really. I happy for you. MIxed emotions, kind of. But all the best for you future anyway! =))
    OH! and keep writing, your blog is awesome. =)

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  9. I thought initially that this was fiction but it does not look it. Blogging is very cathartic and it helps us express some things that we cannot otherwise say (besides what we CAN say). I do it often in my blogs too. you write well and with feeling -Do keep writing!

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  10. @Marita I so wish you couldn't but it is what it is and we dot hate our parents just because they have a hard time getting along. I just wish that they would see what I could see in them.

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  11. @Anonymous I wish you wouldn't be anonymous, You have made a valid point. Its not that I didn't try, they just didn't want to learn, I was just a kid what would I know! They wouldn't even care to listen to me. I tried hard before I quit on them.

    Please don't ask forgiveness, you only told the truth and that makes me feel obliged to you!

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  12. @Delhizen Thank you! you pose a real good question and I would answer it outwardly now itself. I have not been fair, I gave up on my family. I escaped from the dungeons the problems made. I hid from them I ran from them. I didn't solve my families problem, I fled when I thought I couldn't take anymore. May be the whole thing would have been a different experience had I persisted. But I didn't!

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  13. @Micky that's what I am sad about. I am supposed to a Indian, My family is supposed to be Indian. It should not be like those American families that barely manages to it together at Thanks giving. you have experienced a fair share of India and its culture, you know what I mean.

    Thanks again it was a pleasure having you here.

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  14. I can totally connect to your feelings.To fend for yourself seems the best option.I hoped the dispute could have been stopped.Sometimes parents behave so much like small children.It's good at least they don't have to bear to daily quarrels and fights.
    I wish you be happy and peaceful like this always.

    Alcina-Afixxion Addixt

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  15. I could totally relate to this post. I cried after reading. But you're really strong.

    **happy that I am what I chose to be ** This is reallly awesome rupertt 🙂 Great post 🙂

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  16. Well-crafted.
    I believe it would have been a better read had you been a little more cautious of the many typos.
    If at all anything, these blemishes are like little spots of black on flawless stretches of white.

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  17. beautiful post…I have gone through something very similar so I could feel every word, every emotion you have so perfectly penned down..
    keep writing…:)

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