Hasn’t it always been about love? Wonder what I am taking about? I am taking about marriages. India is a confusing country for a marriage to exist, to one side we have lots of customs and the rich cultural vibrancy that at this epitome of ethnic diversity throws about and to the other we have the largely commercialized and institutionalized gala called a marriage. Somewhere along the way I start wondering what really is a marriageabout? Is it about two people in love uniting or is it just something done because everybody else seems to be doing and is it just at the primeval end a means to keep ones clan running.
The one word that describes the ‘wedding’ industry could be magnanimous; the elusive and lucrative industry has stripped Indian marriages off its essentialities and replaced them with material substitutes that corrode an institution that has long been considered scared. The sanctity of the marriage has been long lost; it has been violated and prostituted. But what surprises me the most is how people could be so blinded that they could for go what is essential and indispensible in a marriage, Love.
History is the witness when it comes to marriages in India. History bears witness to the freedom of choice and the simplicity of the great Indian weddings. Brides were respected and bridegrooms stood proud without a price tag. What now appear to have become a largely commercialized and hyped up cultural gala and festival with much diminished importance for the actual wedding was not always so. The advent of arranged marriages are not so clear to me but must probably they came from a group of controlling fathers eager to extend their family lineage and false prestiges.It passes my mind how arranged marriages could ever succeed, it is incomprehensible to me how two people completely unknown, unaware of each other even to the slightest character could ever co-exist as such. At least isn’t that not a gamble? A leap of faith? Of course they succeed what choice does they have? We live in a society that taken over by its totalitarian dystopia dictates terms and conditions on our existence. They expect us to obey and follow the crowd like buffaloes and those that dare to stand apart are either classified as philosophers or mad men. Then again I believe, this lack of choice and subjection is the one and only reason as to why such a marriage should exist, Like my friend so daringly terms it, A compromise!
Don’t for one second believe that I disagree with the fact that occasionally there comes a couple that are just perfect or so near to that place. What we call a real match made in heaven. But isn’t that just and odd chance a, a play of probabilities? Love marriages or as I call it a real marriage exists and stems from love the sole reason that appeals to me when committing to such a demeaning soc ial institution. Why else should one marry if not for love after all marriage is all about love!
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Hi Rupertt
Most posts in this contest view arranged marriages as a way where the parents of the groom/bride blindly get them married to each other without their consent. It does not happen that way these days. Its more like, the parents find a match based a lot of criteria(some specified by the individuals in question) and if the pair think they can get along well, then only they move to the next step. Its more like a blind date that develops into love….I had an arranged marriage and its not that you blindly accept something thats thrust upon you 🙂 Nice article…Good Luck for the contest 🙂
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Some people find happiness in whatever they do or are forced to do.
If two people are genuinely good, then they can live happily with each other. Else, they are just spending time under one roof because our divorce laws in India are terrible.
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nice post 🙂 all the best for the contest !
check out this link when you get time 🙂
http://saurabhchawla2345.blogspot.com/2012/08/love-is-arrangedby-god-2.html
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Iagree totally with Jaishree-a lot of consideration goes into selecting a partner in arranged marriages & love develops over time.
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@jaish_vats: I do not see arranged marriage as a sinister enterprise, it only passes my mind how it can be arranged. My parents had an arranged marriage they suck at it. For some it works out well, some okay and a few not so well. Given all the good things about an arranged marriage exist in full fledged magnificence, I prefer a “love marriage” simply because I like to marry because I lobe some one rather than filter her out of a catalog. I like my marriage to be my choice than of a second person.
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@Sabyasachi Patra: So true, I thinks its called submission!
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@Saurabh Chawla : Thank you!
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Hey Rup,
Nicely written. You know what, these are the same things that I said a few years ago. Now that I have 3 decades behind me and have known and seen so many stories of all kinds of marriages, I see arranged marriages differently. India is a country of different cultures even within every state and when family choses somebody for you, it narrows down the differences. So adapting to the changes life brings this way becomes easier. And gone are those days when the bride and bridegroom first see each other on the mantap. These days most parents let the two get-to-know each other. Gosh! Ain't I glad to be a part of this generation! 🙂
And aren't a lot of 'love marriages' too 'arranged' these days? And a marriage of any kind is always a 'leap of faith'.
And yes, we do spend a little too much on weddings — money we could use for the rest of our lives :D.
Nicely written, Rup. Love should be the most important thing in a marriage be it what we call 'arranged' or 'love'. All the best. 🙂
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Thanks D! Its great to hear from you after so long! 🙂 You just made my day! 😛
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Ya, what matters is love. The 'arranged' system of marriages are modified, true.
However,in my opinion, love marriage means, having the freedom to love, and to marry. Immediately, the problem pops up; caste, religion, that, this. If two people decides to marry out of love, yes it is happening this days, but if one is from a lower caste, then there is certainly a problem. So yes, we have progressed, the family will arrange for a boy, the girl will be allowed to have one or two meeting with the in-laws. So there is a progress against what was happening there.
But love marriage is also not an answer, If so all western marriages should be working well. It is not so.
So whether it is arranged or loved, you have to negotiate your relationship. Communication, commitment and connection are the three things that have the potential to make a relationship work. Each time you communicate with your partner you negotiate out a new meaning to the old one.
In arranged marriages seemingly these three have less chances, they are strictly not given a chance, because of the fear of the new.
So we appear ourselves new with all kinds of embellishments, cost is not a problem or we manage somehow. No. of software engineers are increasing in our country ( we are brainy), they create new programmes (is it creativity or copying, I do not know), but no creativity in attitude or behavior is allowed in the process of wedding, marriage and hence life. Isn't it funny but that is it:))
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That's it? I was hoping you'd say, “D! that's odd. Get back to calling me Mr. Wind.” :D.
No? 🙂
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Good one sirjee…
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A tad one-sided, wouldn't you say? I think today, there's a very fine line between the two. Especially when both the bride and groom are educated, there is a fair amount of courtship. And am quite cynical about the role of love in the so called 'love' marriages – read this http://www.lafemmenirvana.blogspot.in/2012/08/love-and-marriage-chicken-and-egg.html and let me know what you think
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@Nirvana : Surely it is, I say even that thin line should vanish and whatever we come to call it, love or arranged it should all and always must be about love.
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Nice one..voted..All the best for the contest..:)
here is my take
http://dare-to-think-beyond-horizon.blogspot.in/2012/08/5-artists-one-topic-love-marriage-vs.html
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@Ankit Jain : Thanks
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