Father? Not now. Not today.

Father? Not now. Not today.

If you are an Indian and if you are married, you are bound to be asked a particular question way too often. Its hilarious the concoctions conjured as facaded to make the callous intrusion into ones privacy palatable. People assume that the next thing you need is a baby and that like them I tread my life addled. That in this menial existence, primal urges and perceptions are the commandments to abide by. Offended? Feel free to burn my effigy, they do come cheap.

So, do I want a child. Honestly may be, somewhere in future, in a distant future far away enough to not be thinking about it, a future nebulous and fantastical. A lot needs be done, many miles be travelled, mountains be climbed and oceans be crossed, lands be scene and life experienced. I feel nothing but pity to the poor souls who live life mechanically, for those of you who rot as seasons pass by your window. Dreams are to be lived while you still can, they too high a price to be paid for anything. I have seen far too many parents who have condemned their children to the dreams of theirs, burden them with dreams that they failed to purse, wings cut and trimmed before they even taste the liberation of flight. Ultimately it is not fair to oneself not to the child.

The world is full of people anyway, I do not fathom the urge to procreate in the world. The poor planet already harbour more than it can carry. It should be a sin to procreate in this world where the already barely has enough, to create one here is to lay claim to what is someones’ now. When I fetch food for my child, I take it not from the surplus but from a poor child plate. When give my child education it was someone less fortunate who had to part with his. To claim anything of this world is a crime on to the unfortunate.

I will have my child, god forbid. But not today, not now, but when the time is right. When I can be the father that I want to be and not the one I am condemned by the circumstances created by me to be.

Her

Forest of the Pygmies – Isabel Allende

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This novel by Isabel Allende is an easy addictive adventure-thriller of superior quality. For the general reader it is the story of a band of completely different people (A missionary, two preteens, a raunchy pilot, a bold photographer in search of his big moment and a journalist) exploring  the unexplored riverines of Ngobe in search of the missionary’s missing colleagues.

But for some others it is the story of the Pygmies, their exploitation, their suffering and their utter de-humanization by those more powerful than them. It is for them the story of slavery, of deception, of oppression and the malice of power. It is in all a melancholic travelogue about the liberation its uncertainties, its inherent hope and that pinch of magic that we all so desperately desire.

The book is a beauty to read, easy to fall in love and amazingly capable of transferring the reader to the darkest deepest most beautiful magical forests. The visual devices takes this journey to another level of addictive ecstasy altogether. Isabel Allende is a marvellous writer, one for the ages.

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Watching you sleep

Watching you sleep

Here sleeps a girl with a head full of magical dreams, a heart full of wonder and hands that will shape the world

– Sleeping Beauty

Damn, you are so beautiful. My angel, my beautiful angel. Heaven only knows how many a hours I have spent beholding your tender face, kissing you in your slender slumber, caressing you with every gaze. I have never seen anything, natural nor divine that sis but half as beautiful as my lovely dear. You are but a little piece of heaven god left with me.

For those among you, who by superiority of your intentions are well on your way to let the authorities know that a certain creepy stalker is on the loose. Stop! I pray. I ain’t no pervert nor a creep (that may be up for debate) . I am but one such rare breed of a guy who is so in love in with his wife that watching her fall asleep in you arms is the one thing he looks forward to most everyday, One who just cant help buy gaze at her face and melt as snow at when the slightest hint of a smile dawns on her face.

Time is a strange thing, when you are in love. One could hardly believe how it flies and how it morphs around you. I can but hardly believe that it has been over 7 years since when I first met her, 6 since I first kissed her and eternities since I started loving her and of course 1 since we married. I have known her forever, from lifetimes before and will for lifetimes hence. Even now, every single day I feel as if it was just yesterday that we first met.

Those moments have become so magnificently romanticised, like the balcony in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet our places are no more just blips on the maps but stuffs of lore and serenades. Our stories have been told so many times that they are are now much myth and some essential fact.

I don’t want to write another ode to my beau, have I not written enough of that already. But then for what avail is this piece written, but for the being another ode to she; my love, my muse.

Her

 

The Short and Splendid February – Part I


A February love story
January was good, but it ended on a sore note. You must be expecting a detailed account of what happened between January and February, but I must disappoint you in this matter. It was not good and for most parts rather ugly and let’s just leave it at that and continue forward. The end of January started for me a rather solemn and modest period, I was lost most of the time in thoughts and all I could think of was the beautiful days I had in my memories. I cried and wept over the shattered dreams and with each passing day I was becoming more dilapidated. The seasons changed and I didn’t know and the flowers bloomed and I didn’t care and finally I had gathered too much dust that I had forgotten myself in a solemn corner of my life.

But, one day I did wake up and one day I had to tell myself that I had to choose. I reminded myself that I had the choice between a ‘life of gathering dust in a corner’ and one where I could just go out and live life as it comes. ‘Carpe Diem’, that’s the choice I made.

It was over an year later that I seriously started having a life, that is the amount of time it took me to forgo the once beautiful dreams that had now came back to haunt me. The nightmares ones broken dreams make are horrendous, almost sinister in intent. The number of sleepless nights had reduced greatly and I must have had my first good night’s sleep around that time. But some people never learn and I am one of them. Due to this particular weakness of mine I had let in my life another somebody.



PS:  If you feel completely lost please refer my previous post. It will help you catch upon the misery.

It was by a rather off chance that I let February in my life. How it happened is still much fuzzy to me. She was always there, I must never have had seen her yet or I may just not have noticed or rather cared to notice.  Then as the days unfolded and as I stared coming out of my self-inflicted hermitage and started cherishing the world around me, we met. We met, we talked, we became friends and then something clicked and due to my tenacious friends and their perseverance in seeing to it that I hook up with someone the idea got planted in our heads I guess. Over the next year and a half we bonded, it was not like the first time I was in love, this was different.

She was smart and she was pretty but the best thing is that she was shorter than me. The most trouble I have with girls is that they apparently happen to be taller than me or they appear to do so, which is not a very good thing when you are out looking for company. But February was the perfect size in that regard, being friends was easy, it just happened and not much work was necessary neither did I intended to do any at that point in time, but being in love was a whole lot different. The way it happened is that one day she asked what I was going to give her for Valentine’s Day and I asked her what she wanted. She resorted to a shy and sly smile as an answer and knowing her so well by then I knew what was in her mind and I was happy that it was the same thing as in mine. Strange ways that love works, huh!

A Time for Reflection

Yes, I am disappointed, I am so disappointed. I am disappointed not because I lost, but because I know that I worked hard and this is not what I deserved. Life is not fair by degree of perspective, life if often the sly friend you have to live with. It would hurt us more to realize of this fact that living with it in ignorance. But that does not change anything. Does it? Every one of those time that you stood a startled witness to your dreams crumbling down like an house of cards. Life is not fair and I stand a stupid witness to its wrongs.
Nevertheless, that is no reason to give up, That is no reason to be pessimistic. Remember there may have been someone who worked a little bit more, someone who had put in that little spec of extra perseverance that you forgot. The universe does have its own ways, ways it does its doing. This may appear rather spiritual, but there is a definitely justice in the working of the universe. There is evidence everywhere how one compensates the other and supports the system in its own rights. We call it nature’s harmony. The definite abyss that you see may just be the exit from the dungeon. After all the night is the darkest just before the dawn. The imminent failures are but the final lessons to be learned before the inevitable victory, it is the duty of the universe to take care that the deserving gets the glory.
It is not for you hand the prize over is it? But it is in you to run the marathon. It is your job to stand up when you fall and it is of you to finish the race. The laurels and the parties will come along, strive for the last missing piece if the puzzle till the whole is done. Finish it, that is just the beginning of the journey. The things that went unfinished will be but a waste of effort, when you set your heart onto something, don’t you wish to see the dream blossom. To see it in all colors, with wings of gold, soaring in the sky like the birds of some forgotten fairy tales.
          
                                                              
There will come the time, when you will win, because eventually you have to win, eventually you have to be honored for your hard work. This is just a battle lost, the war still to be won. No time stand and mourn, no time to run for shelter. It is the time to rise above it all and fight, it is the time to win and this time the fate will be made different. This is all it takes to rescue the sinking ship and finish the votage.
From the Journals of a Lone Man by Rupertt Aryeen Wind:

She had a Doggy!

                                              

                                    My Girlfriend had a doggy and he was called Rocky! Though I was always jealous of him, there were times I loved him. He may not to be to me what he had been to her. It’s a funny story, a funny story how life unfolds to us all in ways unimaginable and often it has a sad ending. Its but inevitable I suppose.
                                    It was his funeral two days back and ever since then I miss him much or rather I miss my girlfriend missing her rocky.
                                    It is a good story how it all started, She had rocky even before we first met. She was so afraid of him that she would not touch him at all and would run screaming had he came closer that a few yards. But at the same time she loved him, She loved the little rocky running around her country home and eat her chickens. I didn’t know when rocky turned vegetarian or when he had enough of the smelly chickens he soon seized eating her chickens. By the way I forgot he was a good golden German shepherd.
                                    I always wondered why she would run away from a dog she so much loved and adored. She would not even let me joke on him. There was one time I suggested we would get rid of rocky when we she was once complaining of how rocky scares her by licking her legs, she says she gets Goosebumps when he does that. Its true hell has known no fury like a woman gone angry. She would not even talk to me for the next couple of days.
                                                There was this incident once, I think a couple of years back. One fine holiday there was this site to watch, A really memorable one she would never have done it had she been awake. There was in the bed two angels sleeping together hugging each other. Had I had a chance I would have frozen time and stood there watching my girl and her little doggy, sleeping like two little children. But of course then rocky had to do that, the stupid act of ruining a very quiet morning, after all he is just our stupid dog. He licked her chin and oh my god then there was screaming and running and barking and total chaos. Even neighbors called in to check if all was okay. That was the one day in my life.
                                    It happed a couple of days back, A call from her in the evening confirmed our little rocky has gone to the afterlife. She was weeping over the phone and though there was many a miles that separated us I could hear her words crack and her weak heartbeat. It was not much of a surprise we were expecting it. For the last couple of months he would not eat and he was often sick and lazy no running around and he would often walk away from home and we had to go and bring him back. He was showing signs. And he died two days ago! It did hit as a bit hard no matter how sick he was and how convinced he was going to die, we still hoped that he could one fine morning spring back to his former naughty self and chase my girlfriend around the house.
                                    I too miss him , May be one day when we have a life and get a house , we would buy a little doggy and love him too, But rocky will forever be the rocky and he will be remembered for ever. Many things died along with him and now that’s a space that’s really vacant. My girlfriend had a dog and he died!
                                                

Chivalry explained: from knights of honour to women’s lib – Telegraph

                         I recently stumbled on a blog in ‘The Telegraph’ by  Emily Gosden on chivalry and its change in meaning from the medieval time to the modern era .It is but sad that that humans forge forward in all realms known to him he has lost every bit of grace he ones donned. As people has claimed chivalry to be feminist and a lot more. I doubt of times when people would treat each other with respect and dignity will ever exist in the future we are to be part of.

Back for Good……………….

Its been a long time i have been intending to come back to blogging , and as always ‘ now ‘ seems to be a pretty good time for that to be done . For the last couple of days I was having the thought quite strong too …

Now that i am back i indent to stay !

I  will write and i will publish . Hope you guys like it 🙂